In order to light a fire under the local business scene in these last days of summer,
we are pleased to announce the opening of Monte's Used Monuments on the east berm.
We invite you to survey our selection so that you can become the envy of your neighbourhood
with a splendid statue to grace your gardens.
We have a wide selection of Civil War generals and politicians. Christopher Columbus
statues are here by the dozen. Sir John A. Macdonald statues are becoming available
in large numbers and we expect images of Queen Victoria to be selling at a discount
shortly. Woodrow Wilson statues are past their prime but there are still some worth
We regret to report that Mike Duffy Memorials weigh too much to be shipped and are
generally classified as damaged goods.
While it is regrettable that we missed out on the bargain basement sale of images
of Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, and Franco we can look forward to a brisk trade
in statues of Donald Trump and Steve Bannon in the near future.
Night time viewing of our statues is possible by the light of the fire we keep burning
every evening using history books as fuel. Feel free to bring your library along
for easy disposal.
At Monte's Used Monuments we are proud to bring you the latest in the dishonoured,
politically incorrect and vilified names in history but we remain impartial and
will gladly sell you a religious artifact or a fictional character such as Kermit
the Frog. It is all the same to us.
Wholesale prices! Lifetime Guarantee! Free Shipping! Satisfaction Guaranteed! Open
Seven Days a Week! Easy Credit Terms!