Have you ever sat in your idling vehicle waiting through the red light at Port Stanley's main intersection, in the winter when there are no other cars around, and either turned or been tempted to turn against the red light?

Now I know I'm supposed to hibernate all winter, but it really hasn't been all that cold, so I've been out running around and I've noticed a few peculiarities about Port Stanley in the winter time.

One of my favourite spots to get the odd tasty tidbit from one of those funny looking humans is the corner outside the Village Café. Now that I've hung around outside all winter, I see that from mid-October to mid-May the village's main intersection gets very little traffic. Unlike the summer when the cars can be lined up bumper-to-bumper in every direction, if there's any traffic at all in the winter, it is usually just one lonely vehicle patiently spewing exhaust out its tailpipe while waiting for the light to finally turn green.

I've seen the not-so-patient go up and around the cairn to turn right onto Colborne because they were sick of waiting for the light to turn green for a left turn. I've seen the impatient actually turn left on the red, and pedestrians rarely wait for the light to change. A power outage a little while ago made the traffic light work like a four-way flashing stop. What little traffic there was moved through the intersection without mishap and no one waited very long. So why don't the humans make the light a four-way flashing stop all the time from mid-October to mid-May?

Of course, parking in the area is at a premium, especially with the length of the turning lanes increased and the loss of some on-street parking spots. One poor lady drove down Bridge Street, turned to look for a parking spot in the municipal lot behind Bridge Street but found it full, and then drove up and down Main Street look for a spot to park. She finally parked illegally and ran in to get a coffee to go. What I can't figure out - maybe because I'm just a dumb squirrel and not a brilliant human - is why neither the municipality or the BIA either buy or rent that empty lot behind the Village Café and use it for a public parking lot. Obviously having only one public parking lot close to the main intersection (the one behind the pharmacy) isn't enough to meet demand, even in the winter.

I also scurried down to the theatre district in the bright sunshine the other day because that's a great spot for hand-outs in the summer. Kids were coming out of the library and they often have extra munchies. The kids ran across the road without noticing me, but I noticed something as their grandmother, using a walker, made her way across the road much more slowly.

There are two spots with the ramped curb for wheelchair access; one is narrow and almost unnoticeable right in front of the theatre door, and the other one closer to the bridge is broader and ramps onto the widest part of Bridge Street to cross. But there are no pavement markings or signs to indicate this is a pedestrian crossing area like there are by the school; nothing to warn motorists. Both the library and the theatre are heavily used by kids and seniors. When cars are parked along the sides of the road, you don't always see these access ramps. Kids dart and seniors are slow. Seniors are also inclined to dart. Nope, without pavement markings and pedestrian crossing signs, this spot is an accident waiting to happen.

But I have to say the funniest thing I've seen this winter was the couple needing to pee. I'm a squirrel, I can take a whiz anywhere, but it seems humans have rules even about this. Now it was a little cold in the early morning that day and a little windy. A nice couple came striding across the bridge, out for an exercise walk. They made a bee-line for the library doors, but they were locked. Suddenly the lady started holding her legs together. She looked around frantically and dashed over to The Roxy Diner. Those doors were also locked. She moved up the street and tried Killer Desserts, but they weren't open either. In fact, nobody was open and, it seems, there are no public washrooms downtown. The only public washrooms are at Main Beach, and they're also not open in the winter.

Her husband started to laugh and suggested they find a bush to do it "au naturel". He found a spot but she insisted it was too exposed for her to bare her bottom. Her husband's laugh grew from a smile to a chuckle as she danced around pressing her thighs together. Finally, in desperation, she made him stand guard while steam rose from a steady yellow stream melting the snow.

To this squirrel, it seems if you're going to have all these rules about where humans can pee, then you should put in public washrooms to go with the rules. Oh wait, I seem to remember seeing a picture a few years ago of a young man defecating into the harbour - and still no public washrooms downtown?

So there you have it - Port Stanley's winter oddities:

• a full service traffic light when there's no traffic
• a lack of public parking near the main business intersection of town
• an unmarked pedestrian crossing by the library that is an accident waiting to happen
• and the only downtown public washroom being the great outdoors.

And you humans think squirrels are stupid.