Pops McKernan's Pop Quiz! The best part is that you get to score yourself
and decide which answer is most correct!
1. A Wildlife Custodian:
a) Cleans up after the Junior Prom
b) Decides how much wild life you deserve
c) Chaperones the grade eight field trip to Ottawa
d) Gets custody of the Iguana every second weekend plus summer holidays.
2. A deal is in the works for The Old Ford Plant that will:
a) Turn it into a World Heritage Site
b) Make it the venue for the St Anne's Festival
c) Become a Livestock Rehab Centre for Pintos and Mavericks
d) Change its name to "The Former Ford Plant".
3. In order to protect your home from feral cats:
a) Buy concrete walls, from Nudura, an Insulated Concrete Form company!
b) Adopt feral dogs
c) Spread Purina Cat Chow around your neighbor's house
d) Get the St Thomas Animal Welfare Committee to cut them off animal welfare.
4. In 1814:
a) We took a little bacon
b) We took a little beans
c) We caught the bloody British
d) In the town of New Orleans
e) All of the above.
5. If the Americans had won the war of 1812:
a) There would be no gun registry
b) The divide between rich and poor would be increasing
c) Partisan politics, featuring attack ads, would be the norm
d) Our troops would no longer be known as peace keepers
e) Hey! Wait a minute.
6. Americans did not invade Port Stanley during the War of 1812 due to fear of:
a) The Port Stanley Lionesses
b) The Central Elgin Ratepayers Association
c) The United Church Women
d) Dogs on the beach
e) Paid parking.
7. The greatest danger to our troops in the War of 1812 was:
8. The five different kinds of Guide Dogs are:
a) Dogs who are trained to find free parking spaces for the disabled
b) Dogs who will only guide you in return for a cookie up front
c) Dogs who will guide you to the places they really need scratched
d) Dogs who will only work in communities with a Dog Beach
e) That's only four.
9. Central Elgin Council won't exempt Port residents from paid parking because:
a) Residents don't pay enough taxes anyway
b) Residents get to park for free in their own driveways. (For now)
c) And if they don't have a driveway, $155 is a bargain!
e) With no crosswalk at William and Edith Cavell, they will need extra dough paying
off the lawsuit when the first pedestrian tourist is mowed down there.
10. When Mayor Walters said "Please, if you see people committing these mindless
acts, report it to the OPP immediately," he was referring to:
a) Paid parking for residents
b) Lack of a dog beach
c) Heritage zones
d) The last municipal election
e) Running for the Reform Party
Editor's Note: Pops McKernan is the byline of writer Patrick Harding, author of Splendiferous.